Bravery is the capacity to perform properly even when scared half to death.
-- Omar N. Bradley

Wednesday, June 29, 2016

Find Your Why

Yesterday's weirdness is tomorrow's reason why. -- Hunter S. Thompson

There are a few things that I am obsessed with...triathlons, good food/wine/beer, Scandinavian mystery novels (don't ask), and productivity podcasts.  One thing that always strikes me about productivity is that you need two things to succeed:  a plan and a reason.  It really can be that simple.


Well...I have a dream and I have a coach, so I think I'm pretty much covered on the plan part.  (More on the plan another day...)

According to the productivity literature, a plan will get you so far...but if you don't have a reason, no amount of planning will get it done.  Doing stuff is hard work.  Doing triathlons, for me at least, is really hard work.  Doing triathlons while being a full time mom and wife, with a full time job and an idiot dog...well, it's enough to make lots of people ask "How do you do it?"  And seriously, I get asked this not infrequently -- from coworkers, from other parents, heck - even from other triathletes who are differently situated.  Sometimes it comes out using different words - "I don't know how you do it." or "I'm so amazed that you can do it all."  But the gist is the same.  HOW?

I think I've figured out, finally, the answer has to boil down to WHY.  It isn't easy to do it.  I won't lie.  I'm busy.  And I'm tired.  And there are things I'd rather be doing...like eating and drinking and reading about fictional Norwegian serial killers.  It also isn't easy to do because I'm not terribly good at it.  I'm slow.  I'm a lousy swimmer, a mediocre-at-best biker, and a run/walker.  It's not like I'm doing it for the recognition or rewards.  If I'm lucky, I finish before the pizza is gone.  (Don't even get me started about how I feel about races that run out of food & drink before the time cutoffs...no excuse for that BS...but anyway.)

So.  Why.  Why do I do this?
*  So I can enjoy all the good food and drink.  I'm prone to sloth, but I know if I keep training, I'll need to keep eating.  And the fear of what happens if I don't train keeps me training, which keeps me eating.

*  So I can get a medal and a shirt.  These are surprisingly strong motivators in my world.  I can buy a lot of the things I want in this world...but I can't really buy these things without doing it.

*  So I can have a few moments of peace and quiet.

Kidding...not kidding.  No seriously.  Not kidding.

*  So I can be healthier.  My dad has heart problems and has been on high blood pressure medicine and cholesterol lowering drugs for ever.  I love my dad, but that's not the life I want.  I don't want to have a heart attack when my kids are in their late teens or young adults.  I don't want to have a heart attack ever, but that's another story.  Maybe doing this won't keep me from that fate, but it's working well so far and it certainly isn't hurting my health.

*  So I smell like chlorine or sweat, have a wicked awesome tan, and regularly rock some frizzy unmanageable pool-dried hair.  No, just kidding.  That's not a real reason why.

*  So I be a good example to my kids, my friends, and everyone around me.  Yeah, I will take on the role model burden.  I love that my kids see me working hard for something I want, overcoming failure and obstacles, and pushing myself to be better.  I love that I can tell other working moms - hey, you can do this.  I love that some of my friends run or tri now...that didn't before.  I'm not taking all the credit (or even a lot of the credit), but if I made even a little bit of impact, that's cool.

*  So I will be impressed with myself.  There is something mindblowing about thinking of yourself as a badass.  Seriously.  I can do hard things, things a lot of people can't or won't do.  I've never been really good at anything (except maybe school, but only if I applied myself, which didn't happen all that often...and besides, being an academic rockstar doesn't carry a lot of punch).  But I can wow myself without being really good.  I just have to keep at it - and I have.  I am a middle-aged, non-athletic, triathlon-finishing badass.  That's pretty cool.

I can't narrow this down to one WHY.  The most compelling reasons, in my mind, are being a role model to my girls and to myself.  But those other reasons get me out of bed in the morning too...those are pretty big WHYs, so the HOW will follow.

Next post...The Family that Tris Together

Tuesday, June 28, 2016

Relaunch...The Blog is Back

We shall not cease from exploration, and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time. -- T.S. Eliot

I've always loved this quote from T.S. Eliot. It's my senior quote in my high school yearbook. For some reason, the idea of returning full circle is appealing to me. And, so I am returning to my blog.

Back in February 2013, I started this blog (my first post!) as I began one of the scariest things I could imagine...training for a half-iron triathlon. Since then, I've done a bunch of HIMs, trained for two IMs (one DNF and one DNS), and had about the unluckiest streak of fluke experiences one triathlete could dream of. Stress fracture. Hypothermia. Hurricane. Are you flippin' kidding me? And that string doesn't even include my latest adventure that I haven't blogged about...concussion-like symptoms brought on by a kick in the head during the swim at Raleigh 70.3...another DNF, another scary experience, another reason to question what I am doing.


Which brings me back to my blog. I started writing this because training for my first HIM raised a lot of questions for me...most involving the notion of "What the heck do you think you're doing?" or "Why do you think you can?" By writing this blog, I worked through these questions and convinced myself I could. And I did. But to be honest, after the string of crazy experiences over the last year and a half, I find these doubts creeping back in...and worse, they are popping up at the worst possible time -- right before I head into an HIM (Rev3 Williamsburg half) and the hardest training period for IM Louisville. Yep, I'm going back to finish the race that I DNF'd due to stress fracture. I will finish it this year. I have no doubt about that...well, sometimes I do. Maybe a lot. And so I am here, where I started from...and ready to continue (or maybe restart) the journey.

Tomorrow's post: Getting back to why...