I used to love the show Hart to Hart. Yeah. It's weird. But it is a little cathartic to confess to enjoying it. They were so rich, so smart, and so glamorous. And I was young - so give me a break.
I also thought Randolph Mantooth, on Emergency!, was the handsomest man I ever saw. C'mon, you gotta see it, right?
OK, fine - different strokes for different folks. (And no - I never did like Different Strokes, except for "Whatcha talkin' about Willis?"
Is there a point or am I just stuck in the 70s today? Well, maybe both. The point is this - a heart to heart with one of my favorite people...and the need for the confidence that should come from the past many days, weeks, and months.
Yesterday was 7 weeks to Louisville. And I am terrified. Absolutely completely petrified. I can give you a million reasons about why the race is going to go badly for me. And you know what, most of them are kind of stupid. But my mind has attached to them and is not giving up. And it's been making me kind of a pain in the ass to be around. So this weekend, hubby sat me down for a heart to heart. His point - I can't act like a monster for 7 weeks. And I can't act decent but be inwardly panicked for 7 weeks. Either I can get my shizzle together and just keep training and act like a normal (albeit nervous and training) person for the next 7 weeks or I can bag it and try again some other time. Well, I'm not going to give up...so option 2 is not my choice. I guess that means I need to keep training and act like a normal person for 48 more days. So how am I gonna do that? I need to find my confidence. The confidence that is supposed to come with days, and weeks, and months of training. I've been putting in the work, even if the last couple weeks have felt really sucky and I haven't hit all my workouts spot on. I need to find my courage. IM isn't supposed to be easy. If IM was easy, they'd call if football. :) (I saw that sign at a race and giggled madly.) I knew it would be scary -- that is why I signed up. I need to find my focus. 48 days is plenty to keep building up, keep following the plan, and keep getting ready. I don't have to be able to do Louisville today. I only have to be able to do it in a little under 7 weeks. But to do that, I need to keep doing my best to hit my workouts. And I need to smile. This has been a helluva journey so far - and some of it has been fun. Yeah it's about the big-ass medal at the end - I'm a sucker for bling - and maybe an IM tattoo (that's another heart-to-heart that hasn't been fully hashed out yet...sorry sweetie). But it's also about the changes in me over the last year. And that's a lot to smile about.
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