OK, there probably has never been a reasonable argument that I'm well-adjusted. I'm signed up for an Ironman, for goodness sake. That's textbook maladjustment in my opinion. And it's not just my athletic life. I've been absent from blogging (and barely getting by with my training lately) because I've been struggling to get an article out to see if I can get it published. I didn't sleep the night before I sent it out. It made me a complete nervous wreck for the last two weeks...and the strangest thing is, I have tenure - my career doesn't depend on this article. I mean, it does - articles are signs of continued productivity. They make your dean happy. They get you invitations to speak, etc. - that's how I get to travel so much. But having a complete meltdown getting this article out is total maladjustment. I've been doing this for 10 years now. I've been around that block. And I'm still a bundle of nerves - worse so getting it out, but a little nervous now waiting to hear where it will publish.
Anyway, this coming weekend will be my 2nd ever marathon -- possibly the same mistake twice -- and I'm nervous as all get out. It doesn't help that my training the last week or so has been less than I would have wished. Plus with all the snow days, etc., I don't feel like I'm ready. I've hit a 20-miler. I hit my long runs leading up to that. But instead of my 12-miler last Monday, I only got 8 on Tuesday because off the snow. And this week, all I'm trying to do is keep from getting hurt. Because that's all I can do now. Yikes!
...All night hearing voices tell me
That I should get some sleep
Because tomorrow might be good for something
Hold on
Feeling like I'm headed for a breakdown
and I don't know why...
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell,
I know right now you can't tell
But stay a while and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me.
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be...me.
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