Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm. -- Winston Churchill Enthusiasm is the yeast that rises the dough. -- Paul J. Meyer
So the strangest thing happened yesterday.
I was looking at Training Peaks and saw the my coach hadn't filled in the week beyond Monday. That isn't what was strange - I mean it was, because she usually fills it out on Sunday for me, but it was no big deal, because I already knew what I was doing on Monday. Monday = Masters. As it always is.
But because I'm a bit of a nag and I like to see the week so I can "plan" for it...which largely means negotiate logistics of training with Iron Sherpa and figure out how to fit things around work and carpools for the Iron Kids activities...I emailed her to see what was up.
And here's where it got weird. After joking that I never needed to train again (the horror!), she filled in the week with hard workouts. And I was excited! Enthusiastic! Looking forward -- in all seriousness -- to busting my butt this week in training. That's just...weird, right?
I think it has been a while...or maybe too long is the right length...since I really felt this way, and I think it bodes well for my season - so long as I can keep it up. And I think I can. I have some good races on my docket, I like my new coach. I got Garmin to replace my HRM so I can actually train properly by heart rate. And it's finally spring. Let's go!
You're wondering about the blog post title, aren't you? Well, anytime I think of the word "enthusiastic," I remember this old song from Girl Scout Camp. We actually ended each line with "in the morning" but I think the point is pretty much the same. I'm alive awake alert and ENTHUSIASTIC about training. Rock on!
Whenever you have taken up work in hand, you must see it to the finish. That is the ultimate secret of success. Never, never, never give up! -- Dada Vaswani Defeat doesn't finish a man, quit does. A man is not finished when he's defeated. He's finished when he quits. -- Richard Nixon
Yesterday I won at Tobacco Road. No, I didn't come in first. I didn't place in my age group. In fact, I was nearly DFL. But after a year of DNF and being hesitant to even start most of the time, the fact that I finished 26.2 (or 26.3, according to my Garmin) is a total win.
It was hard. I wanted to quit a couple times. I wasn't sure I'd finish towards the end, but I just kept chugging along. And I saw it to the finish. No defeat. No quit. Maybe I shouldn't have done the race, but once I started it, I think the fact that I finished is the boost that I need to start the tri season. And for that I am happy.
I also got a big flippin' medal...so I am happy about that too. This girl likes her bling.
Anyway, the first half of the marathon actually went really well. I was supposed to stay in low Z1 with my heart rate, but my Garmin was being stupid, so I switched over to a 3:1 run:walk to try to stay in a decent HR space. With that, I was able to stay within sight of the 6:00 pace group to mile 13. Yeah me! Much better than I expected. Ate gus and gu chomps, drank water and gatorade, and generally felt really good.
The second half marathon was a different story. I tried to keep going the same, but I was starting to feel it. And then I lost the 6:00 group. So I switched to 2:1. And then I just had to walk with running when I could. Everything hurt. I wanted to quit. And then I just walked...walked...waddled...plodded...well, you get the picture. It poured rain for 3 miles. But I kept going. And I finished. I was happy, because I broke the 7:00 time barrier. I wish I could have done better, but I need to remember that this was a win. It was win because it was a finish, even when I didn't want to. I kept moving forward and that's the key.
He who would learn to fly one day must first learn to stand and walk and run and climb and dance; one cannot fly into flying. Friedrich Nietzsche
So often we hear that seeking success means avoiding the word "can't." It's a bad word. It holds us back. It isn't that we "can't" do something - it's that we haven't yet. But I've realized this week, there can be joy in saying can't...if you're saying it not to give up, but to get to the starting line.
First example...I am drowning at work. Too much work, too many deadlines (most already past), too many things I should have done yesterday. I was rushing this week to get something done, but finally realized yesterday that I can't. I can't get this one particular thing done, no matter how hard I work at it. And so I dropped it - for now. I'll pick it back up after I clear my plate from the million things...the remarkable thing is the joy I felt as soon as I acknowledged I can't finish this one project. I can't. But by putting it aside, I have the time and space to clear off some of the other projects, giving me a chance to reach the start line again with this project and have a better chance to complete it.
Second example...training. Heart rate training has been hard for me. I can't run fast and be in the HR zone I'm supposed to be in. I can't run far, I can't run fast, and I'm running a marathon on Sunday. And all in all, that would typically stress me out. I've had to change my perspective; running fast right now is like flying; I'm not ready to fly. I can't fly yet. I need to remember I'm still at the starting line. By acknowledging that the marathon will be what it will be, that I will focus on staying in low HR zones, going slow, and making the day about a long, steady effort, I've actually found a little peace from the stress - a little joy.
So maybe "can't" isn't all that bad, so long as it gets you to the start line again.
I took a little break -- I was coming back to work and the last thing I was going to do was take a step backwards, so I knew that if I was going to take a feature it was going to have to be taking a step forward. -- Nia Long Spend time reflecting on your emotional and physical existence and how that applies to the voice. You have to apply that wisdom and experience when you sing -- it's what comes through. -- K.D. Lang
I took a break from blogging. You may have noticed. I've been gone for almost two months, but I was gone long before that. I needed to take a little break to make sure that I was moving forward, because it felt like last year was just a series of steps backwards. And I was tired of taking steps backward. Even more so, I was tired of talking about taking steps backwards. So I decided to wait until I felt like was moving forward to come back
Even though right now I haven't made it back to where I want to be, where I should be, where I can be...I feel, for the first time in a long time, like I'm moving forward. It's hard to explain, when the forward motion is happening at a snail's pace. No one can see the forward progress...even I have a hard time seeing it. Occasionally I'll post a workout to my coach and she'll be like "wow - you are doing better" and I will be surprised. I hadn't noticed. It still felt like I was sliding backwards. So I guess one good thing (and there are others) about having a coach right now is that she can objectively look at where I am and where I'm going and see progress. Even where I can't.
Another thing that time away and slow progress have taught me is that my voice right now is different than it used to be. I spend too much time comparing myself to others -- not just in running and triathlon, but also in work, in parenting, in life. Other people are doing it so much better. But their voices are not my voice; I haven't been listening to my experiences when I look around. My experiences are different -- not unique, I'm sure, but different. And so when I look around, I need to apply my experience to what is around me. I'm not the same as I was, but I'm working hard. I'm not as fast as I was, but I'm getting faster than I have been most recently. I'm not as good as I could be, but I'm getting better than I was yesterday. This is the voice I need to hear -- this is the message I need to listen to.
For a little while, I've figured that to hear this voice, I needed to be quiet. To not talk about what was in my head. To not blog. But I feel that it's time to put my experience back to voice and sing...well, not sing, because I have a terrible voice in that respect, but to blog. To write about what it's like to live my experience...not that it's some deep meaningful thing that will change anyone else's life, but because by sharing it, I can change my own life. Before, blogging has made me thoughtful, made me brave, made me strong. Then, blogging made me embarrassed, made me sad. It's time to be thoughtful, brave, and strong again. That's my voice. And that's the way forward.
Making lists of favorite things is, for me, a task ridden with anxiety. What if I've accidentally excluded something I love? What if I discover something new tomorrow that I love even more? -- Sara Zarr
There is something accurate about the quote above - I have a lot of favorite things, and I may forget to mention many of them here. Also, things that used to be my favorite have been surpassed by other things...for example, I used to just love the Moving Comfort Fiona running bras. Now I hate them, so I'm trying new ones and I have a new favorite. But who's to say that my new favorites won't be eclipsed...Anyway, I spend a lot of time complaining - something I'm hoping to do less of in 2016. I figured a good way to counteract my complaining personality is to actually spread some praise and compliments. :) And so, a short list of a few of my favorite things.
My Favorite Goggles: TYR Special Ops
I have a weird shaped face, I think. And until I started using these goggles a couple years ago, I was never happy. Either they would leak like mad or I would get a raging headache when I was wearing goggles. For some reason, these are just perfect - no headache, no leak. Yeah, I still look like a raccoon after morning Masters practice, but at least I get a good swim in with no major side effects. Plus they're polarized, so I can wear them inside and out and see fairly well...well, as well as I do at any given moment.
My Favorite Running Bra: Kiava Endurance Bra
As I mentioned above, I had been using Moving Comfort Fiona bras for years, but they started to really irritate me - something about the band was chafing my skin, no matter what I did. Plus I managed, through overuse and lazy washing techniques, to mangle the hook-and-eye closures. Anyway, it wasn't pretty. So I was shopping for new running bras and I saw that Kiava was having a clearance sale around Christmas and some folks on the trail runners Facebook page were raving about the clothes. So I bought a couple on sale. LOVE THEM. I've worn them for a couple long runs and I can't even begin to tell you how comfortable (and supportive, of course) they are. Thumbs up!
My Favorite Dinners: Blue Apron
Last year at the end of summer, during IM training, I gave up on trying to feed my family. I love to cook and we try to eat fairly healthy, but I just couldn't manage the menu planning thing anymore. So we gave Blue Apron a try...and here, months later, we're still using it. Sure, there are probably cheaper ways to go. And yeah, there are some meals we haven't liked. And yes, meatless is pretty much a no-go in my house, so I occasionally add sausage to the meal (like tonight's lemon ricotta and brussel sprout pizza). But on the whole, my family is eating well - lots of seasonal vegetables, seafood or fish on a much more regular basis than I ever managed, better portion control. Plus I still get the "cooking" thing, since the meals only come pre-planned and pre-bought - the cooking (right down to the peeling of garlic) still falls on me. The cooking is fairly simple, but one problem is that it doesn't work as a "holey crap, everything ran late and we need to cook something in 10 minutes in order to make it to the next thing we need to be at" kind of meal. But usually, within 45 minutes, we have a decent dinner...and I like it.
My Favorite "I Need Sugar Now" Treat: Nerds
OMG. I love Nerds. I used to think they were vile candies, but I have come to see the light. They are incredibly efficient sugar-delivery mechanism and they're super easy to handle and transport. I have little plastic containers that I use to carry them with me on the bike and run; I just flick open the top and pour the Nerds in my mouth. The best. OK, I know - not healthy...but seriously, sometimes you just need an infusion of sugar, and short of a dextrose drip, Nerds get the sugar in you right when you need it.
My Favorite Ride: Virginia Capital Trail
I've been envious of my friends who live places with bike paths for a long time. Now, there's finally a good bike path that isn't too far out of my way...and it's 52 miles long - so I can get a century ride in without ever having to ride on the roads. That's pretty sweet. I'm not afraid to ride on roads - I know people who are. But sometimes, especially if I'm trying to work on being in aero more or if I'm out for a long ride and want to focus on my nutrition or my hydration or anything other than traffic...it's nice to be on a bike/pedestrian only path. My only complaint is that it's pretty flat - so training for IMLOU can't happen only on the trail - although when you're out there long enough, it doesn't feel flat at all. :)
That's enough favorite for now. I couldn't go from complainy to complimenty all in one day. I'll have to save some other compliments for later. :)
You have to remember that the hard days are what make you stronger. The bad days make you realize what a good day is. If you never had any bad days, you would never have that sense of accomplishment. -- Aly Raisman
I've realized over the last couple of days something that I've been missing recently -- that feeling of accomplishment. You know, the swelling pride that you feel when you make it through a tough race or noticed for completing some project. I think that I have missed out on that feeling, in part because of some of my failures this past year and in part because I haven't been looking for it.
But over the last couple days, I have definitely felt that again...and I do want to thank my coach - she's been a big part of making me see what I've accomplished. On New Year's Eve, I swam 7300 yards. That's 100 yards more than last year. It wasn't the greatest feeling and I had to use fins. A lot of fins. But I swam for three hours, minus a few breaks, and I racked up some serious yardage.
On New Year's Day, I ran a 5K - the First Day 5K. Here is a picture of me and my younger daughter before the race, acting silly and rocking our race swag hats.
I didn't PR the race, not even close. But I did better than I did at the 5K I ran a couple weeks ago. And I didn't walk at all - not up the little hills and I didn't bother with water. But why I feel so good about it is that I executed it exactly as my coach told me to. She had given me instructions about HR to follow over the course of the race, and I did it. And I finished at a crazy high heart rate and I'm super proud of my effort level. That feels pretty darn good.
Finally today I had 2 hard workouts on my training plan. I didn't feel like doing them, especially after yesterday's effort with the race. But I did them -- and I did them right. And tonight I'm feeling pretty darn accomplished. It feels good.
Maybe the quote above is right and you need the bad days to really feel the sense of accomplishment. It probably also helps to have someone say something about it. Which means my coach is pretty awesome. Plus now, having felt this again, I I want to keep feeling it, so I guess I better keep working this hard!
Review your goals twice every day in order to be focused on achieving them. -- Les Brown An important part of any focusing regimen is to set aside time at the end of the day - just before going to sleep - to acknowledge your successes, review your goals, focus on your successful future, and make specific plans for what you want to accomplish the next day. -- Jack Canfield The object of a New Year is not that we should have a new year. It is that we should have a new soul and a new nose; new feet, a new backbone, new ears, and new eyes. Unless a particular man made New Year resolutions, he would make no resolutions. Unless a man starts afresh about things, he will certainly do nothing effective. -- Gilbert K. Chesterton
Let's face it. 2015 was not a great year for me. I'm ending the year with more fails than successes, more questions than answers, more things undone than completed, and more pounds on my hips than I started the year with. In all of these things -- fails, questions, incompletes, and weight -- I think it's fair to say "less is more." It's hard to acknowledge my successes from 2015, because I think that the year was spectacularly devoid of them...and so I think the best thing to do, as the year closes out, is to...let it go. (Ha, you thought I was going to put in a Frozen video here, didn't you? No, I would not torture you that way.) Rather than looking backwards and dwelling on the things I have too much of (or even the things I had too little of, like success)...it's time to move forward. So I've decided to start 2016 today. A few days early. Why not? Calendars are so arbitrary. :)
I usually make New Year's resolutions. Why not? Everyone does. And everyone fails at them. And so do I. But I like the idea of a new me - starting afresh and focusing on my goals. Of course, everyone does...that's the whole scam of New Year's resolutions, right? We say we're going to lose weight, save money, be nicer, etc. etc. etc. for a day, or two, or even three...but then old habits kick back in and we go right back to the old us. I've been reading a lot about habits and change. I can't promise that I'll get this entirely right, but I think I have a plan to make some better New Year's resolutions...scratch that, some New Me resolutions. I will set my resolutions in terms of goals, so they can be measured and reviewed. I will make specific plans and set milestones so I can view progress. I will acknowledge successes and I will try to understand failures and make adjustments to overcome them. I will come into 2016 with new eyes and a new soul. I'm starting afresh and I will be effective.
More about my New Me resolutions later...right now, I have to go run. Success!
