A small look back, a big leap forward...

Review your goals twice every day in order to be focused on achieving them. -- Les Brown

An important part of any focusing regimen is to set aside time at the end of the day - just before going to sleep - to acknowledge your successes, review your goals, focus on your successful future, and make specific plans for what you want to accomplish the next day. -- Jack Canfield

The object of a New Year is not that we should have a new year.  It is that we should have a new soul and a new nose; new feet, a new backbone, new ears, and new eyes.  Unless a particular man made New Year resolutions, he would make no resolutions.  Unless a man starts afresh about things, he will certainly do nothing effective. -- Gilbert K. Chesterton

Let's face it.  2015 was not a great year for me.  I'm ending the year with more fails than successes, more questions than answers, more things undone than completed, and more pounds on my hips than I started the year with.  In all of these things -- fails, questions, incompletes, and weight -- I think it's fair to say "less is more."  It's hard to acknowledge my successes from 2015, because I think that the year was spectacularly devoid of them...and so I think the best thing to do, as the year closes out, is to...let it go.  (Ha, you thought I was going to put in a Frozen video here, didn't you?  No, I would not torture you that way.)  Rather than looking backwards and dwelling on the things I have too much of (or even the things I had too little of, like success)...it's time to move forward.  So I've decided to start 2016 today.  A few days early.  Why not?  Calendars are so arbitrary.  :)

I usually make New Year's resolutions.  Why not?  Everyone does.  And everyone fails at them.  And so do I.  But I like the idea of a new me - starting afresh and focusing on my goals.  Of course, everyone does...that's the whole scam of New Year's resolutions, right?  We say we're going to lose weight, save money, be nicer, etc. etc. etc. for a day, or two, or even three...but then old habits kick back in and we go right back to the old us.  I've been reading a lot about habits and change.  I can't promise that I'll get this entirely right, but I think I have a plan to make some better New Year's resolutions...scratch that, some New Me resolutions.  I will set my resolutions in terms of goals, so they can be measured and reviewed.  I will make specific plans and set milestones so I can view progress.  I will acknowledge successes and I will try to understand failures and make adjustments to overcome them.  I will come into 2016 with new eyes and a new soul.  I'm starting afresh and I will be effective.

More about my New Me resolutions later...right now, I have to go run.  Success!

Heartbeat...

Repetition is based on body rhythms, so we identify with the heartbeat, or with walking, or with breathing. -- Karlheinz Stockhausen

Like I said, repetition in practice and hard work. -- Jerry Rice

This is my heartbeat song and I'm going to play it...

My new coach has me training with heart rate.  It's kind of been a crucible type moment, since it has revealed exactly how out of shape I am...either I have been this whole time and didn't know it or I've gone downhill very quickly.  Let's not speculate which it is.  Anyway, the bottom line is that, like I mentioned before, I have a long way to go.

When I first started training for triathlons, a million years ago (or maybe like seven), I used a HR plan...and I remember it was horrible.  I couldn't run and keep my heart rate any where near the zone it was supposed to be in , so I ran/walked or joggled or whatever.  But I kept at it, and eventually I lost weight and got faster and fitter.  And hopefully that's what will happen again, because yet again, my HR will not cooperate with running at any speed or for any distance.  I am hoping (and hopeful) that this will be like before -- that, if I keep at it and trust in the system, I will end up fitter and faster than before.  That's what needs to happen and I trust my coach.  So heart rate and joggle it is, for now.  And faster and fitter it will be.  :)

(Because leaving you with Kelly Clarkson's Heartbeat Song would be cruel and unusual punishment...)

A Long Way to Go and a Short Time to Get There...

It's been a long slog back, and we've still got a long way to go. -- Ted Strickland

I've got a long way to go to being the ultimate best, but I think my time is now.  And I'm starting to enter my prime. -- Kevin Durant

I ran the Toys for Tots 5K today.  It was a long way off my 5K PR...and I know this, because I gathered up my past race info and PR data for my new coach.  So, right now more than other times, I am acutely aware of just how slow I am now in comparison to other points in my life.  And not just because I'm getting older, because 2014 was actually one of my two good recent years.


All I can really say is that I have a long way to go...and a short time to get there, if I want to accomplish my goals for 2016.  (You may be saying to yourself - hey, that phrase sounds so familiar...but why?  From Smokey and the Bandit, of course, and that great song from Jerry Reed.  Click the video - you know you want to.)

Anyway, I am viewing today's race as a baseline.  A good place to start from.  I gave it a good effort and I see how far I need to go to get back to my happy place.  I have a new coach who wants to help me get there.  And I have the willpower to make it happen.

Dear Santa...

Believe in love.  Believe in magic.  Hell, believe in Santa Claus.  Believe in others.  Believe in yourself.   Believe in your dreams.  If you don't, who will? -- Jon Bon Jovi

Dear Santa,

It's been a long time since I have written you a letter.  I hope you are doing well. How's the missus?  And the elves?  Anyway, I know you're busy, so I'll get straight to the point.

I've been very good this year.  :)  OK, maybe not "very good."  But I haven't been terrible.  So I think I probably deserve something I want for Christmas.  This year, I'd like you to bring me a new coach.  I liked my old coach...but she's retiring and so I need a new one.  I've been interviewing new coaches, but it's hard and I don't like it.  (Oh, full disclosure - I may have had an e-mail mishap where I sent critical comments about one program back _to that coach_ rather than to my husband...ooops.  OK, I can see why you might see that as naughty behavior, but really, it's just because I was in a hurry and careless...not intentionally naughty.)

I can't really circle the coach I want in a catalog - do kids even still do that?  My kids e-mailed me their Christmas lists...along with helpful links to online stores.  Is that what kids do nowadays?  I guess pretty soon they'll just send their Christmas lists to you telepathically.  Or maybe you'll read their minds?  Creepy.  Anyway, I'm old school...so I'll just tell you what I'm looking for and I trust you and the elves to get it right.  :)  It's not like I'm asking for a pony or anything.

I want a triathlon coach who is nice, but not too nice.  I want someone who will be supportive and encouraging, but who will also make me work harder than I imagined possible.  I am a little lazy and not prone to push myself, but I will if someone else tells me to.  But I'm also a little anxious and doubtful, so I need someone who will believe in me until I can believe in myself.  I used to have more mojo and moxie when it came to this triathlon stuff, but I've kind of lost it and I'm looking for it again and I think it's important for me to have a coach help me do that.

I want a triathlon coach who can work with slow people, but will work to make me faster.  I'm slow right now - I get that.  But I don't want to be slow.  I want to be faster, and I'm (mostly) willing to work hard to get faster.  I don't want a coach who believes I'm too slow for them.  Or that dumbs things down because I'm slow.  I want someone who is invested in my success, both to finish the long distances and speed up my slowness.  (Even though I'm old.)

I want a triathlon coach who can rearrange my schedule (or at the very least put up with my rearrangements of their hard work) when job or kid drama comes up.  I want a triathlon coach who works with my personal quirks...I don't like to ride outside when it's cold (and cold is a subjective, warm temperature).  I like to run races occasionally, either with my daughter or just because it's fun.  I like to eat a lot and I like to drink wine.  I am a back of the pack runner/racer - and I aspire to back of the middle of the pack, or even middle of the pack.  That's it.  I like to train on weird days because my schedule is actually more flexible during the week than the weekend.   I appear to attract weird injuries - hypothermia, anyone?  I hate swimming by myself.  I started lifting weights in the off season and I kind of like it.  Did I mention I like to eat a lot and I like to drink wine?

Now, don't get me wrong.  I'm not high maintenance.  I mostly listen.  :)  I generally put in my best effort, as written.  :)  But I'm a mom and wife and full-time professor.  And sometimes there is life.  On the other hand, triathlon is a big part of that life and it matters a lot to me, which is why I want a new coach for Christmas, because I'll miss my old coach and I'm not sure I can do this on my own.

One of my daughters thought if you list only one thing on your Christmas list then you'll definitely get it.  So I'm just going to ask for a coach.  And I know you'll deliver, because I believe in you and I know you want me to believe in me.  And I promise I'll be good next year.  :-)

Merry Christmas & have a safe trip on Christmas Eve!

Talking Turkey

Gratitude can transform common days into thanksgivings, turn routine jobs into joy, and change ordinary opportunities into blessings. -- William Arthur Ward

Happy Post-Thanksgiving, Pre-Christmas extended stretch of over-eating, over-drinking, and under-training...at least that's what it usually is.  But this year, I've decided to exercise a different plan.  I will follow my training plan (starting tomorrow, because this morning I woke up with my normal snot-nose headache that a friend told me could be seasonal allergies and I'm beginning to believe that's a real possibility).  I will eat carefully, except at holiday parties.  I will drink less during the week.  :)  I will make it to Christmas weighing the same, if not less, than I weigh this morning.  Because then New Years won't be a shock to my system, but a continuation of positive behaviors.

What's up with this? What kind of idiot makes a pre-Christmas resolution?  The kind of idiot that looked at a picture of herself at this year's Turkey Trot and nearly cried.  I had a turkey belly BEFORE gorging on turkey and I had a waddle under my chin that would make any turkey jealous.  (And if you could see my arms, you'd see the old-lady chicken wing thing I got going on.)  All in all, it was a wake-up call that I never wanted.  Girl, you're getting too big.  This has to stop.  And so, the pre-Christmas resolution.  I don't think I'm setting myself up to fail, because I'm not being militant.  Just sensible.  Careful.  And I know I have some holiday parties over the next few weeks where I'll want to eat and drink (including tomorrow at lunch).  And I will.  But on non-holiday party days, which is the bulk of them, I will be careful.  No more turkey pictures for me!

Eyes on the Prize

Contentment consists not in adding more fuel, but in taking away some fire. -- Thomas Fuller

Hearing about other people racing used to make me very jealous.  It didn't matter if I had just raced or if I was unprepared to race or if I was hurt or anything - I wanted to be the one racing.  But this past weekend, the marathon/half marathon/8K was going on in town and, oddly enough, I didn't feel the least bit jealous.  And I think it's because I am content.  There's no reason to add more fuel; instead I'm taking away some fire and focusing on my goals for 2016.  No more, no less.

I have two primary goals:  run a marathon PR (and ideally under 5 hours) and finish IM Louisville.

I'm working with my coach to meet these goals, and this week is when the fun starts...speedwork running, back on the bike, and even a 2-a-day workout (bike and run) this weekend.  I've started weight training to get stronger.  And I joined a "don't gain weight over the holidays" contest at the YMCA.  Now is when my 2016 season starts and I will keep my eyes on the prize.

Sometimes the Finish Line isn't the Best Goal

But for each of us, isn't life about determining your own finish line? -- Diana Nyad

This past weekend I didn't finish the OBX Marathon.  I waited for a sag wagon at mile 15.  And you know what?  I won the marathon.  That's not a typo.  I won on Sunday.

I signed up to run the OBX Marathon in 2014, thinking that after IM Louisville, I'd have the fitness to get my sub-5 marathon on the mostly flat course.  But then IMLOU ended with a stress fracture in my foot so I deferred OBX.

This fall, the question was to run, or not to run...and I wavered about eight million times about what to do.  I was going to run it, because I was fit from training for the IMMD-that-wasn't.  I wasn't going to run, because I'd taken enough hits (mentally & physically) this year.  I was going to run, because it was already paid for.  I wasn't going to run, because my coach didn't want me to.  I was going to run, because I'd rather do that than go to a soccer tournament with Elder Daughter.  (oops - that wasn't supposed to be part of the calculus)  I wasn't going to run, because it was going to be rainy.  One time, I had made my mind up to definitely not run - only to be talked back into it by Iron Sherpa.

So.  Ultimately I decided to run it.  But I would stop as soon as anything got painful.  As soon as my mind went to a dark place.  As soon as anything happened that would otherwise derail 2016 as being my year.  I promised Iron Sherpa.  I promised my coach.  And I promised myself.

It was a crappy day on Saturday as I drove the 3-ish hours to the OBX.  Rainy, windy.  I hate driving over long bridges, especially in the rain and wind.  I hate driving through tunnels.  So it was just not a good thing.  But I listened to TED talks and got pumped up.  (Yeah, I know - it's weird.)  When I pulled into the parking lot at the race expo...the sun came out.  It turned out to be a really nice afternoon.  I enjoyed the race expo -- I mean, who doesn't like shopping for running stuff.  (oops - well, I did buy IronSherpa some socks, so he can't be too upset that I shopped)  I took some pictures around town.  I went to a local restaurant and had a nice lunch and a craft beer.  And then I went to the grocery store, bought some breakfast and wine (not for breakfast) and bubbly water and checked into my hotel. And then I hunkered down - I watched college football, did some work, ordered pizza to eat with my wine, and watched crappy TV until I went to bed.  It was incredibly relaxing.

For reasons I can't fully explain, I slept terribly.  It happens.  And then Sunday morning I woke up and got ready for the race.  I will say, OBX SE  (Outer Banks Sporting Events) puts on a good show.  Everything went smoothly from beginning to end - more than I can say for most things I've done.  I relaxed at the start line - there was no pressure.  I had 7+ hours to finish.  I knew I was going to walk.  I knew I could stop if I had to.  This wasn't my A race or even a B race.  It was a long walk on a pretty fall Sunday morning.

I started the race with a very strict run-walk schedule 2:30/1:00.  And I did that for 8 miles and it worked awesome.  Even with stopping at a portapotty, I was holding about 12 minute miles.  Not fast, but perfectly acceptable given that it was a training walk. :)  When I hit mile 8, we were at the Wright Brothers National Memorial...and now I know why they picked that spot.  The wind was insane!  I was nearly blown sideways.  So I started walking without the run interval, and that was fine.  I was walking ~15-16 minutes/mile and kept that up through the half-marathon mark.  And that was challenging, since from about mile 10 to the halfway mark was a walk in the woods...some on a fire road, but a good portion on a path over an enormous sand dune.  (Whoever said OBX was flat except for the bridge at the end totally lied.  The hills through Jockey Ridge suck.)

After I got out of the woods...appropriately at the half mark, my knee felt a little tweaky.  But I had done the half mary in about 3 hours.  Not terrible.  Hell - I had a very bad standalone half-mary that took me more than 3 hours...but I'm not proud of that one.  Anyway - I was worried about the tweaky, but I also had 4+ hours to finish the second half.  So I knew I could walk it and be fine.  And I am tired of DNFs.  But that little tweak was a worrisome.

I called IronSherpa while I was walking - yes, I carried my phone, because I knew stopping was a possibility - and talked through the conundrum with him.  To stop or not to stop.  Well, I just kept walking past the med station at 13...but I slowed way down.  And then I slowed down even more.  And then I sat down and waited for the sweep wagon.  It took a while, but eventually it came by and I caught a ride to the finish line.

So, I didn't finish.  I went 8 good miles.  I am happy with 13 miles.  I did 2 miles beyond that that I maybe shouldn't have.  But I'm OK.  I'm actually happy - because I made the right decision.  Eyes on the prize...2016 will be my year.  I'm hoping for a sub-5 marathon at Tobacco Road in March. I will be happy with a PR (sub-5:12).  And I will be an Ironman at Louisville in October.  That's the finish line.  The finish line at OBX wasn't about crossing the timing mat at 26.2...it was about making a smart decision with the proper goals in mind.  That's my finish line...and I crossed it with my hands held high.